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Tenenbaum, M

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2013!!! [Dec. 31st, 2013|08:54 pm]
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what a beautiful year. for the first time in forever i kept a daily journal and even though it's super boring i'm still pretty proud that i stuck to it. i renewed my library card and read some books. i did hella crochet on the bus and finished a huge blanket plus a couple side projects. i was very successful at work, and i fulfilled a lifelong secret dream of being a perfume counter lady (but i have a wall so i'm a perfume jon snow which is even better). i spent quality time with friends & family. my dad & suzanne moved back and i had lots of good visits with my mom. i seent drake! i cut off my long hair! i practiced remarkable self control in the daily presence of jamba juice and wetzel pretzel. if livejournal weren't so antiquated i would post a picture so just use your imagination

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(no subject) [Jun. 17th, 2012|10:58 pm]
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Carlos is on tour which means it's guilty pleasure time! aka: the only time i consistently post to lj. well tough tuna motherfuckers, i'm too lazy to use the computer or figure out the lj app so i've moved the celebration to tumblr

get with the times

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(no subject) [Mar. 3rd, 2012|05:58 pm]
i just remembered that livejournal is for venting about shit that doesn't really matter (with no character limits!) so that's exactly what i'm gonna do right now.

one thing i've learned from years of retail is that people without control of their own lives like to create something to complain about because it makes them feel powerful. it's the laziest way to feel empowerment. these people are incredibly hard to be around, but instead of feeling anger, you should pity them. everything we do is either out of love or a cry for it. think about how sad it is that the best part of their day is ruining yours! think about all the other people they come into contact with that they treat exactly like they're treating you--at the bank, the grocery store, the car wash, their neighbors. they are constantly being disappointed! that really sucks for them. it's not personal, and sometimes you just can't help them.
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(no subject) [Dec. 28th, 2011|01:54 pm]
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it's that time again for an obligatory post so I don't have any missing years from my lj archives. so much has changed! this past year has been huge for emotional growth. i did stay positive and take the high road. i am calmer, more accepting, less stressed. I accept change without fear. i'm also more accepting of myself. i'm loving my life! i have big changes and big goals in store for 2012.

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(no subject) [Dec. 31st, 2010|12:43 pm]
i'm trying to stay positive and take the high road in 2011, which will be one of the most challenging things i've ever had to do. it's so hard to have hope. i've been let down and disappointed by close and casual friends, but the one lesson i've truly learned this year is that karma will take care of it for me. i wrote off 3 of the most useless, selfish assholes i've ever met in my life this year and i'm going to let karma take care of them because she is a more vengeful bitch than i could ever dream of being. i need to let her take control and focus on my own happiness. good riddance to one of the worst years of my life.
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(no subject) [Nov. 30th, 2010|06:44 pm]
i pretty much thought i totally abandoned lj forever until sonja told me that she started reading it. i skimmed the archives to make sure there wasn't anything too offensive and the thought of a whole calendar year without any entires made me kind of sad. i miss writing. i was so funny! i stopped because i feel like i had my heyday and i didn't want to be the simpsons with 6 awesome seasons and 25 bad ones. i don't really think anyone checks lj anymore so maybe i can write here again--squat in this abandoned internet playground for awhile. at least it will help my typing skills. not much has changed since the last time i wrote, over a year ago. my desk has moved from the west wall of my office to the north. i have a dog! a 5lb long-haired tri-colored chihuahua named delta burke. and i decided i want to do nails for a living. we'll see how that works out, i just read an entry from when i was 16 where i decided to be a fashion photographer. yeah right. i do mean to eventually go back and read all my old entries. i'm so glad i have them, already i've remembered so many wonderful moments. i used to write about every stupid thing and i should probably do that again. twitter just makes it all seem so insipid. i was blogging about what i ate for lunch in 2002 motherfuckers.
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(no subject) [Oct. 24th, 2009|10:46 am]
i'm not as ballin' as i used to be so i'm appreciating what i already have. then again, my birthday is next friday and a girl can't help but dream:



a bottle of blue satin


a pair of black ray ban wayfarers. i'll pay to put my prescription in them.


frye just started making a 15 inch version of my favorite boots... so a dark brown pair would be nice. size 10 please.


i also don't really have any jeans that fit and i'd like a leather jacket but those are things i have to choose myself.

eta: i just realized i outgrew my nail polish storage so a $40 ikea gift card would really help out too.

like i said, a girl can dream.
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(no subject) [Oct. 11th, 2009|12:32 pm]
it's no secret that i've abandoned my readership. i'm in a weird place where i still love you and think of you and write for you but it doesn't leave the tips of my fingers. a few weeks ago i was feeling a sort of writer's constipation. stuffed up with words. i took some immodium oed like elyse recommended, and slowly the words came. they weren't good, but they were there, and i started writing when they appeared, where ever i happened to be. i have a notebook by my bed, next to the couch, and next to my desk at work. now you know the 4 places i spend the most time (#4 being right here in front of the screen).

i think it stemmed from a sick bout of nostalgia, which came on the tail end of one of my recurring bursts of missing the fucking living shit out of seanpalmer. you remember seanpalmer? he was my first love and best friend and in the past few years it seems as though he's dropped off the face of the planet. sometimes i feel guilty for missing him but i also think that's a cop out. just because he used to be my boyfriend and i have a new boyfriend doesn't mean we can't be friends, it doesn't erase the mighty mighty fun we had. he remains hidden despite my best efforts to find him and i guess i have to be ok with that. ask me if i'm ok again around our old anniversary or his birthday and i'm sure i'll sing a different tune. he's still one of the only people i dream about.

anyway, this is about writing, not how i fuck up friendships. you might remember my journal when i was 17 or 18, and i had so many things to share. i still do, but i'm keeping my memories close to myself, and i'm starting to wonder if holding them selfishly means i'll loose them sooner. i'm very forgetful, you know. my whole life i've been filled with thoughts and ideas and plans and it kind of scared me that for a few months nothing was coming out of me. i still had plans, but they were little things like curtains for the kitchen or what color manicure i'd give myself next week. now that i'm forcing myself to write more by having notebooks everywhere (and thus no excuse not to), i feel lighter, smarter, and more thoughtful.

i'm telling you all this (again) because yesterday i finally met a great internet friend and muse, and she gave me some of the sweetest compliments about my writing. so sweet that they disappeared into powdered sugar dust as they floated out from her red lips. she chose her words carefully and deliberately and i'm ashamed that i can't remember what they were but i remember how they felt when they filled me up and that's good enough for me. in the words of zoe trope, she loves with her mouth open, and i realized that all of my favorite people have souls that are too big for their skin. julie told me last week that everyone she knows wants to know more about me, and tears rolled down my face because that's all i've ever wanted. i'm layers and layers of person and i try to hold my old soul in the deepest pit of me, but i'm always looking for the spark that tells me you're an onion too.

i used to not mind taking off a layer or two for the whole world to see. eight years ago the internet felt like a smaller place and i was compelled to carve my name in a part of it, but now it's all changed. it's sped up, condensed, and constantly refreshing. not to say i don't still love it, i love any glimpse into your world that i can get. i still want to let you in but i'm choosing to be more string cheese than onion now. there's still layers to be separated, but they all look the same. i've been struggling with what i can and cannot share and where and how i can do it. i don't like these new rules, where everything lives forever and my whoever my boss may be in 10 years can judge who i am 10 years in the future by what i said this very minute. that seems unfair to me and it makes me really mad. i don't want to have to photoshop beer bottles over bongs because someone, someday in the future, might get in trouble for having been in the same room as a legal piece of glass.

despite my anger and confusion, i have to find the parts of my life that i can peel away and leave for you. milky white and shredded, i'm determined to get my string cheese layers out of my brain. i know you enjoy it, even though i can't see you and i don't know you're there. just like you can't see me when i hide in the shadows for months at a time. it works both ways, you see. and it makes me feel lighter and smarter and more stealth when i can just lay a little something down for you and let you chew on it silently. i did it for you but i'm learning how to do it for me.


here are things i love right now:
  • baby carrots and goddess dressing
  • the infinite possibility of color
  • making curtains
  • knowing i have options
  • edward cullin
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    (no subject) [Sep. 7th, 2009|06:53 pm]
    i was warned when we moved in here that recording bands was part of the deal. whatever, no big woop. how often will that happen, right? not very often, because our first recording sesh was just this weekend. i shouldn't say "our" because I didn't do snap besides make them buy me food and open things for me because my fingernails were wet. i wouldn't say there were too many dicks on the dance floor, but it was a sausage fest:

    mothdusttakeover01
    i had to go in there and open the windows.

    greatsesh.jpg
    and they left us with $5 worth of bottles that i'll probably put outside for a hobo to steal.


    i learned some things about recording: first, one or two boys go in the basement and plays his piece of the same song over and over again. my boyfriend records this on his computer, which is in the living room. also in the living room is every other boy on the face of the planet. while in the living room, these boys sit around and drink and talk shit until it's their turn to make a sound. they do this for two days and when they're done they have one song! magic.
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    (no subject) [Aug. 29th, 2009|11:33 am]
    lately i've been doing a lot of coming up with ideas. letting them flutter around but never land on something solid. i feel like i should be working on something important, or working toward something big, but i'm too indecisive to know what that is. i think admitting that i'm indecisive and kind of a flip-flopper is a big step, perhaps in the right direction. anyway, when i'm not blogging i'm watching bad tv while eating and/or painting my fingernails. that's one of my floating ideas, actually more of a scheme: to become a manicure arts sensation.

    0827pinkavocadomani
    my proudest moment. finding that green polish was a holy moment because i thought i was going to have to make my own avocado-colored polish.



    there was a heat wave and we survived because i am magical and found us an air conditioner. we spent the whole thing in bed, eating giant salads from a soup pot and watching movies we stole from the internet. he stole the hangover and i'm glad we didn't pay to see it because it kind of blew. like, i would pay to see it at a 2nd run beer theater and not feel ripped off because at least i got to see the snuggler's package on the big screen, but aside from my crush it was a total waste of time. this experience (plus the fact that soulseex couldn't even cough up a soundgarden album) made me decide that it was time to learn how to download like a pro. carlos gave me transmission, taught me everything i needed to know, and i added the pirate's bay to my google tool bar. i didn't get much but a few albums and a couple movies, because i'm not a greedy pirate. it's about to all fall down but i guess i'm glad i could enjoy it for a little bit.

    while i was sailing the high seas of internet piracy i managed to download the complete volumes of pete & pete. it was one of my favorite shows when i was a kid and i knew it would still be good but i didn't realize how well it would hold up. it makes me really want to know a 9 year old so we could watch it together. we've been watching it slowly and right now we're just about 6 episodes in and i'm so thrilled to see the rest. i was planning on being a cheeseburger for halloween but now carlos and i are thinking about being pete & pete, except we keep fighting over who gets to be little pete.

    so what else did i download? music for men , merriweather post pavillion and the ecstatic. you're welcome.
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